Last night I happened to see one of my old entries about my attempts to quits smoking last summer and fall, and realized I haven’t given an update on that for some time. So I thought I’d tell how it’s going these days.

It’s going very well.

Thanks. See you tomorrow.

No, really. It’s been nearly seven months since I gave up smoking as a vocation, and except for one crazy night on Ko Samui last January, have not lit up once in that time.

What happened back then was I had a little financial hiccup during my vacation and it gave me no small amount of stress. Added to this was the notion that by not smoking I was somehow missing out on something. It’s an insidious addiction. The odd thing was, during the crisis I held the compulsion at bay pretty well. It was only after it had passed that I finally gave in. I guess I let my defenses down too soon; a lesson for the future.

At dinner the night my liquidity was restored, the cravings were overwhelming, and not just for tobacco. In fact, smoking was more or less a compromise at that point–a safety valve to try and stave off more dangerous temptations. I got a pack of my old favorite brand, the same ones whose butchering I had described in a previous entry, and lit up outside the 7-11. It was…not that big a deal. I could taste the tobacco, which I never did as a regular smoker. Drawing in the smoke was burden, and I have to say I didn’t enjoy it much. With about a third remaining, I stubbed out the cigarette and went back to my hotel. Later that night I smoked two more, and was just going for my fourth when I had a vision of how hard it was to quit smoking (not to mention expensive), and was horrified by the thought of having to go though that again were I to get re-addicted. Although it was extremely tempting to have “just one more,” I put the cigarette back in the pack, then doused the entire container with water to render it un-smokable.

The following day, despite the noticeable heaviness in my lungs, the urge to smoke was strong. I had crossed the line once, it would be easier to do it again. Fortunately, I spent most of that day riding around Samui island on a rented scooter, so I was too busy to think much about smoking. The next day was taken up by a fifteen hour trip back Bangkok by boat, bus and train, so not much chance to smoke there. By the time I got back to Bangkok the cravings had pretty much subsided again, and you know what? They have never really returned as strongly as they were then. I hesitate to say it was just something I needed to do because it could easily have had dangerous consequences. But the fact it, having that experience helped me realize I’m missing absolutely nothing by not smoking. Smoking added nothing truly positive to my life. Not smoking has been nothing short of a miracle.

Labels: The life of Brian