You know that song? “So you had a bad day”? That’s been my whole week. Something is definitely wrong with me. I’ve just been in a pissy mood for about eight days now. Every time I think it has lifted it comes back again. I know part of the reason, and I was going to write about it, but finally decided it’s too personal, even for a blog that to my knowledge, only a few close friends even know exists. So as I as saying, I can account for part of my bad mood, but mostly it remains a mystery.
Give me a few days. If things don’t pick up by then I’ll write more about it. Thanks for checking in…
Give me a few days. If things don’t pick up by then I’ll write more about it. Thanks for checking in…
"Angels from Heav'n, and truth from earth"
0 Comments Published by Brian on Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 12:32 PM.
The above is a line from an LDS Hymn, just so you know…
A follow up to my previous post: I continued my new wave of research into polygamy and Mormon church history for the remainder of this week, but didn’t really learn any new information beyond the first couple of days. A lot of the things I learned should really make me angry, but strangely enough, it doesn’t. I mean, yeah it’s fucked up stuff. But I look at it now and think, “Ok, it’s fucked up, so I don’t have to worry about it or fear that my soul is in mortal peril if I can’t accept it.” It just doesn’t matter. I was going to give some example of the things I’ve learned but I just don’t even feel the need to go into all of it, plus all that hyper-linking is a lot of work. If anyone really wants to know, write a comment and I’ll send you some links.
Well, I will include one interesting thing I found. An autobiographical sketch of William Morely Black, my great-great grandfather who I mentioned previously, has been put online by one of his (doubtless) thousands of descendents. I think I’ve read it before. There is a probably a copy of this somewhere in my mother’s genealogical files. In any case, I heard the story numerous times when I was growing up. Briefly, William Black was a sheriff in Illinois in the 1840s, but left his job to go to California to look for gold. Their wagon train stopped in Salt Lake City on the way, and William was so impressed by the Mormons he determined to become one of them. He stayed in Utah, while the prospecting team went to California without him. He later accepted the doctrine of plural marriage and eventually had six wives. His autobiography contains the following quote near the end:
“I know that God lives, and that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet and I know that his life's labors were approved by the Father, and Joseph has received a crown of glory as a reward for his faithfulness…
…Feeling grateful to my Heavenly Father for his leading me to a knowledge of the Gospel of his Son which had brought to me an ordination to the patriarchal priesthood and by it I have received the blessings of wives and a numerous posterity…I am humbly proud and thankful for these blessings.”
Just when I feel I’m so over the LDS church, I go and read something like that, and feel the deep sincerity and humility of his testimony, and realize I can’t dismiss it all so easily. The church’s history after all, is my history, in a very literal sense. Nominally I am still a member, although I’m pretty certain I will never be an active church member again and many times have felt I should either withdraw my membership, or put myself up for excommunication. I can never quite make that leap however.
Needless to say perhaps, the church and my feelings about it is a complex issue. So ironically, even after my week of new discoveries, I have ended up at more or less the same place I started. In other words, not knowing what to think about The Church and my relationship to it, I will simply choose not to.
* * *
I think I needed to have this experience this week. Unfortunately, it means I have done nothing on my coursework for several days now. I’m still ahead of the game, but much less so now. As long as I submit my assignment by April first I’ll still be in good shape. Besides the transcription exercise, I have to write a 750 word essay discussing “the importance of phonological rules,” and give three examples. All I can think of is something like, “Phonological rules are um, important, ‘cause like, without them, we wouldn’t um, know how to like, stay stuff? And stuff like that?” Think the professor will accept that? Me neither.
A follow up to my previous post: I continued my new wave of research into polygamy and Mormon church history for the remainder of this week, but didn’t really learn any new information beyond the first couple of days. A lot of the things I learned should really make me angry, but strangely enough, it doesn’t. I mean, yeah it’s fucked up stuff. But I look at it now and think, “Ok, it’s fucked up, so I don’t have to worry about it or fear that my soul is in mortal peril if I can’t accept it.” It just doesn’t matter. I was going to give some example of the things I’ve learned but I just don’t even feel the need to go into all of it, plus all that hyper-linking is a lot of work. If anyone really wants to know, write a comment and I’ll send you some links.
Well, I will include one interesting thing I found. An autobiographical sketch of William Morely Black, my great-great grandfather who I mentioned previously, has been put online by one of his (doubtless) thousands of descendents. I think I’ve read it before. There is a probably a copy of this somewhere in my mother’s genealogical files. In any case, I heard the story numerous times when I was growing up. Briefly, William Black was a sheriff in Illinois in the 1840s, but left his job to go to California to look for gold. Their wagon train stopped in Salt Lake City on the way, and William was so impressed by the Mormons he determined to become one of them. He stayed in Utah, while the prospecting team went to California without him. He later accepted the doctrine of plural marriage and eventually had six wives. His autobiography contains the following quote near the end:
“I know that God lives, and that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet and I know that his life's labors were approved by the Father, and Joseph has received a crown of glory as a reward for his faithfulness…
…Feeling grateful to my Heavenly Father for his leading me to a knowledge of the Gospel of his Son which had brought to me an ordination to the patriarchal priesthood and by it I have received the blessings of wives and a numerous posterity…I am humbly proud and thankful for these blessings.”
Just when I feel I’m so over the LDS church, I go and read something like that, and feel the deep sincerity and humility of his testimony, and realize I can’t dismiss it all so easily. The church’s history after all, is my history, in a very literal sense. Nominally I am still a member, although I’m pretty certain I will never be an active church member again and many times have felt I should either withdraw my membership, or put myself up for excommunication. I can never quite make that leap however.
Needless to say perhaps, the church and my feelings about it is a complex issue. So ironically, even after my week of new discoveries, I have ended up at more or less the same place I started. In other words, not knowing what to think about The Church and my relationship to it, I will simply choose not to.
* * *
I think I needed to have this experience this week. Unfortunately, it means I have done nothing on my coursework for several days now. I’m still ahead of the game, but much less so now. As long as I submit my assignment by April first I’ll still be in good shape. Besides the transcription exercise, I have to write a 750 word essay discussing “the importance of phonological rules,” and give three examples. All I can think of is something like, “Phonological rules are um, important, ‘cause like, without them, we wouldn’t um, know how to like, stay stuff? And stuff like that?” Think the professor will accept that? Me neither.
Polygamists incarcerated after passage of the Edmunds-Tucker act. According to the University
Of
Mormons, polygamists, and other peculair people
1 Comments Published by Brian on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 at 11:27 PM.
For the past couple of days I’ve been very curious about the new HBO show Big Love, about a man with three wives. The people in the show are explicitly not Mormon but members of a breakaway sect. It’s an interesting topic to me for reasons that are obvious to those who know me. For those who don’t, I grew up a Mormon–excuse me, Latter-day Saint–and am in fact descended from polygamous ancestors. My great-great grandfather on my mother’s side had six wives. When polygamy was made illegal in the late 1800’s he fled with his family to Mexico, then moved back into US territory a few years later. And so it came to be that I was born in Arizona and not in Utah. Thanks, federal government! (Seriously.)
Anyway, so I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but while sitting at my desk between classes today I followed hyperlink from hyperlink, and ended up on the wikipedia page about LDS church history. There I found a link to a page for a group calling themselves New Order Mormons, LDS church members who no longer believe some (or all) of church doctrine, but still continue to be active in the church, usually to maintain peace in their families. I was fascinated as I read through the site, as I really had no idea such people even existed. When I was in the church I had such a black and white, in or out, with us or against us point of view (which is indeed how the church wants its members to think) that I failed to understand the full spectrum of beliefs among the members and levels of personal commitment. I knew open and vocal apostates in my day, especially when I was a missionary, but now I suddenly see there is a whole under-current of silent skeptics. Amazing. On their site I was especially interested in a series of tongue-in-cheek Sunday School lessons offering liberal interpretations of Mormon doctrines that I’ve never been exposed to before. They’re also quite funny, but I think you almost have to have been heavily involved with the church at some point for it to truly make sense.
Ok so that page somehow took me to The Daily Kirk, a blog belonging to a church member. In his March 10th posting he reminisces about some friends of his who sought to thwart a rule against dancing in Provo, Utah (I know, right?) by becoming ordained ministers of the Church of Universal Life, headquartered in Modesto, California. That story reminded me that I too am a ULC minister, and have even used my ministerial powers to perform a wedding.
Back in 2002, just before I left Portland to come to Korea, my friends Cyndy and Matt were getting married. Cyndy is one of my dearest friends, almost like a sister really. Matt’s brothers were his best men, and I didn’t know Matt all that well at the time anyway, and I couldn’t very well be a bride’s maid, yet I really wanted to participate in the wedding in some way. Cyndy asked if I would marry them. It was totally like that episode of Friends where Joey married Monica and Chandler, except Joey is a lot cuter than I am. So to marry them I had to have some authority. A quick Google search brought me to the Church of Universal Life where I became ordained simply by submitting a form on the website and clicking the “Ordain me” button. You can too if you want.
So that’s how I spent my day. As a footnote, I was able to watch the first episode of Big Love tonight. It was a little on the slow side, but I’m willing to give it a chance. Oh, and as you may imagine, since I spent all my time today surfing web pages and writing this blog entry, I got zero work done on my class today. Oops.
Anyway, so I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but while sitting at my desk between classes today I followed hyperlink from hyperlink, and ended up on the wikipedia page about LDS church history. There I found a link to a page for a group calling themselves New Order Mormons, LDS church members who no longer believe some (or all) of church doctrine, but still continue to be active in the church, usually to maintain peace in their families. I was fascinated as I read through the site, as I really had no idea such people even existed. When I was in the church I had such a black and white, in or out, with us or against us point of view (which is indeed how the church wants its members to think) that I failed to understand the full spectrum of beliefs among the members and levels of personal commitment. I knew open and vocal apostates in my day, especially when I was a missionary, but now I suddenly see there is a whole under-current of silent skeptics. Amazing. On their site I was especially interested in a series of tongue-in-cheek Sunday School lessons offering liberal interpretations of Mormon doctrines that I’ve never been exposed to before. They’re also quite funny, but I think you almost have to have been heavily involved with the church at some point for it to truly make sense.
Ok so that page somehow took me to The Daily Kirk, a blog belonging to a church member. In his March 10th posting he reminisces about some friends of his who sought to thwart a rule against dancing in Provo, Utah (I know, right?) by becoming ordained ministers of the Church of Universal Life, headquartered in Modesto, California. That story reminded me that I too am a ULC minister, and have even used my ministerial powers to perform a wedding.
Back in 2002, just before I left Portland to come to Korea, my friends Cyndy and Matt were getting married. Cyndy is one of my dearest friends, almost like a sister really. Matt’s brothers were his best men, and I didn’t know Matt all that well at the time anyway, and I couldn’t very well be a bride’s maid, yet I really wanted to participate in the wedding in some way. Cyndy asked if I would marry them. It was totally like that episode of Friends where Joey married Monica and Chandler, except Joey is a lot cuter than I am. So to marry them I had to have some authority. A quick Google search brought me to the Church of Universal Life where I became ordained simply by submitting a form on the website and clicking the “Ordain me” button. You can too if you want.
So that’s how I spent my day. As a footnote, I was able to watch the first episode of Big Love tonight. It was a little on the slow side, but I’m willing to give it a chance. Oh, and as you may imagine, since I spent all my time today surfing web pages and writing this blog entry, I got zero work done on my class today. Oops.
[((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((]
This week I’m working on the first assignment for my Masters program. Part of it involves listening to a recording of a Thai man speaking English. I have to provide a phonemic transcription of his speech, about 30 seconds worth, and compare some of his pronunciations with what you’d expect from a Standard English speaker. I hate doing transcriptions. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! But it’s necessary for the course so I gotta do it.
Did I mention my masters program? Yeah, I know I’ve been kind of silent for awhile. Some people have mentioned this fact to me in the past week, so I guess the fans are getting kind of demanding. All three of them.
So anyway, yeah, I’ve started working on an MA-TESOL degree from the University of Southern Queensland, Australia. It will take me almost three years to finish the degree, but I’m in no hurry. This semester I’m taking “Intro to language,” which is sort of a basic linguistics course, hence the phonology. I think linguistics is fascinating, really. But it’s a tad on the abstract side isn’t it? It’s hard for me to grasp some of the concepts.
Besides this, I also started teaching the new semester at my school last week. The incoming first years (7th graders in US terms), are naïve, enthusiastic and impressionable, so I’m trying to take advantage of it before they turn into assholes. I had a good week teachingwise, but it took a lot of work to stay on top of it. I can’t “bring it” every lesson, but at least for now I’m trying extra hard.
A long, long time ago I said I had a big announcement coming. Well, it still is. I’m not quite ready to say what’s been going on lately, but I’ll spill it soon. Promise.
This week I’m working on the first assignment for my Masters program. Part of it involves listening to a recording of a Thai man speaking English. I have to provide a phonemic transcription of his speech, about 30 seconds worth, and compare some of his pronunciations with what you’d expect from a Standard English speaker. I hate doing transcriptions. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! But it’s necessary for the course so I gotta do it.
Did I mention my masters program? Yeah, I know I’ve been kind of silent for awhile. Some people have mentioned this fact to me in the past week, so I guess the fans are getting kind of demanding. All three of them.
So anyway, yeah, I’ve started working on an MA-TESOL degree from the University of Southern Queensland, Australia. It will take me almost three years to finish the degree, but I’m in no hurry. This semester I’m taking “Intro to language,” which is sort of a basic linguistics course, hence the phonology. I think linguistics is fascinating, really. But it’s a tad on the abstract side isn’t it? It’s hard for me to grasp some of the concepts.
Besides this, I also started teaching the new semester at my school last week. The incoming first years (7th graders in US terms), are naïve, enthusiastic and impressionable, so I’m trying to take advantage of it before they turn into assholes. I had a good week teachingwise, but it took a lot of work to stay on top of it. I can’t “bring it” every lesson, but at least for now I’m trying extra hard.
A long, long time ago I said I had a big announcement coming. Well, it still is. I’m not quite ready to say what’s been going on lately, but I’ll spill it soon. Promise.
