So, I'm still here at school. There is still no one else here except the one Korean woman. I should be using this time to plan lessons and get organized, but you know...
I hope this isn't too geeky of me, but before I started doing the blog thing, I used to send out group e-mails to my friends telling of my adventures in Asia. Recently I had a look at them again, and decided some of them aren't too bad. So I'd like to republish some of them here. Call it the Best of Brian if you will.
To start with, here's a little essay I wrote about the last time I was in Thailand. To give a little background, I spent a month in Bangkok about two years ago doing a CELTA course. For the month prior to that I had been in the U.S., and had spent way too much money there. So by the time I was ready to come back to Korea I was really broke. On top of that I pretty much drank my way through The month. The date this went out was October 5th, 2003.
I hope this isn't too geeky of me, but before I started doing the blog thing, I used to send out group e-mails to my friends telling of my adventures in Asia. Recently I had a look at them again, and decided some of them aren't too bad. So I'd like to republish some of them here. Call it the Best of Brian if you will.
To start with, here's a little essay I wrote about the last time I was in Thailand. To give a little background, I spent a month in Bangkok about two years ago doing a CELTA course. For the month prior to that I had been in the U.S., and had spent way too much money there. So by the time I was ready to come back to Korea I was really broke. On top of that I pretty much drank my way through The month. The date this went out was October 5th, 2003.
* * *
Let's set the scene shall we? It was Thursday night at about 10 pm, Sidarth, Gee and Greg had put me in a cab to the airport. After three Singa beers and pork toast, I had exactly 1200 baht in my pocket for the visa overstay fine I knew I would have to pay. After all the travel drama I've been through in the past two months, getting back to Korea was supposed to be the easy part.
The fun began when I checked in for my flight at the airport. It was the middle of the night. I was hot and sweaty, which was a pretty much constant condition during my stay in Bangkok. Although I was nowhere near drunk, my every thought and action was at that time being filtered through a pool of Singha somewhere in my brain.
On the way over my baggage had been just at the weight limit, and I hadn't really acquired anything new in Thailand so I was caught off guard when the girl at the counter said (with a smile of course) that because I had a one-way ticket, my allowance was decreased considerably. Turns out I was 20 kilos over weight, and would have to pay about 5000 baht for the extra. My cries of, "Oh my God!," "You're kidding!," and, "What am I supposed to do?" brought a teeth bearing grin to her face. Then she started talking about the overstay fine, and something about an airport tax. "Airport tax?!" I exclaimed, which I swear I'm not lying, made her giggle just a little. If I'd stayed around much longer she probably would have gone into hysterics. See, I know they say they're not laughing at you when they do that, or taking pleasure in your misfortune, but I think that's a cover story they invented so they could have more fun with the foreigners. Finally she gestured vaguely behind her and indicated I was to go to the ticket counter to pay.
At the ticket counter sat about 8 identically dressed airline employees behind a glass window. Seven of the eight stations were closed. After a minute in line all the ladies started gesturing vaguely to my left. Finally I saw a Thai girl so small she looked as if she was hiding under the counter. I tossed my debit card at her knowing full well I was overdrawn, but what could I do?
So back to the first girl, to start the whole process over again. She handed me my boarding pass, and gestured vaguely again toward the security gate. At that point I encountered cash only vending machines where I was supposed to pay the 500 baht airport tax. Oops! Didn't plan for that one either. Not exactly thinking clearly, I slipped my 1000 baht note into the machine to get my payment voucher. So through another doorway I went into the 9th circle of Hell, also known as the Immigration Checkpoint. When the immigration guy noticed I was over my visa he cackled mischievously and gestured vaguely for me to go somewhere else to pay my fine.
After some searching, I found a tiny office, with a queue of shamed tourists, and staffed by The Angriest Woman in Thailand. When it was my turn, The Angriest Woman in Thailand snarled and gestured vaguely for me to sit down. She snatched my passport and paperwork glanced at it and demanded 1000 baht. I was going to ask, "Can't we at least have a drink first?" but thought better of it. I put on my best smile and explained that I had only 700 baht with me. The Angriest Woman in Thailand shouted something like "you change" and then she hissed and growled and gestured wildly (yet vaguely) for me to go someplace around the corner. I walked straight past security to a currency exchange. (The Angriest Woman in Thailand had kept my boarding pass, otherwise I would have just kept going.) Knowing it wouldn't work, I tried giving my debit card to the currency exchange guy. He wasn't having any of that, but helpfully told me there was an ATM on the other side, near the airport entrance. First though I wanted to try and reason with The Angriest Woman in Thailand. It's only 300 baht after all, surely they'll let me slide. I was wrong. The Angriest Woman in Thailand looked like she would leap across the desk and strangle me. So out I went, passing the wrong way through immigration and other security checkpoints. Behavior like this has shut down U.S. airports for days, and under the USA Patriot Act is now punishable by death. In Bangkok however, it's no big deal. So I visited the ATM machine, like a gambling junkie who's running out of luck. It paid off again though, and by now the Singha haze was clearing. Instead of going through all the check points again I decided to simply walk like I knew what I was doing through all the checkpoints and back to see my gal, who I thought was beginning to take a liking to me. As I slipped so easily through each station I began to realize I could have done this in the fist place with out ever meeting up with The Angriest Woman in Thailand. Ah, but at least we'll always have Bangkok.
The Angriest Woman in Thailand took my baht, put about 100 stamps on my passport and on other documents, and made me sign in three places something to the effect of, "I the undersigned do fully acknowledge that by having overstayed my visa, I have incurred the wrath of His Majesty the King of Thailand and all his loyal subjects, and furthermore have brought everlasting shame upon myself and upon all my offspring, even unto the 18th generation." (I may be paraphrasing a little.) As I collected my passport and boarding pass I smiled as contritely as I could, but The Angriest Woman in Thailand suddenly noticed something on television, and coldly turn away from me as if to say, "It's over. Please, just go."
Well, so I survived all that and still had the 700 baht with me, and still 45 minutes till boarding time. Can you say, "Duty free cigarettes?" I knew you could. Near my gate there was a small market selling cold Singha. I thought about having one more for the road, but didn't. Call it temporary wisdom, borne of excruciating experience.
Within a few minutes the flight boarded. When we took off, I gestured vaguely toward Bangkok and said goodbye.
Hope you enjoyed it. I will reprint some other ramblings from my first year in Korea in the coming days and weeks.
* * *
A couple things about this: One, it's actually better than I remembered it. Two, it was the beer's fault, of course it was the beer's fault, and while I'm at it, the fault of the angry immigration officer, and the fault of the airline for having baggage limits etc. etc. Three, when I left Thailand last week, I made sure I was distinctly aware of the lack of drama this time around.Hope you enjoyed it. I will reprint some other ramblings from my first year in Korea in the coming days and weeks.
0 Responses to “”
Post a Comment